Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My dick has a subreddit
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
