Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize