im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
