It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize