So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
