my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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