I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
