Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just threw up on my dentist
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
