OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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