Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
