Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
