Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
