I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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