DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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