He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
