the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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