you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
