There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
