Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
