The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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