That's when you crack a 10am beer
Welp...herpes.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
