He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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