what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
