I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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