return my video game
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
