wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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