Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
