So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
