There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
