sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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