bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
