If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
