her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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