go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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