Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Porn is love you can see.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
