You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
