Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
