I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
