This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
