I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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