hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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