Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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