I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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