My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
