You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
time to smoke my breakfast
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
