Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
