If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize