I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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