There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
