Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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