We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Im part way to drunk.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
