dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
