he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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