I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
