One girl and one boy is just not enough.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
