so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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