I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
