I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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