I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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