if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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