last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
