You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Small penises have feelings too.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
