Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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