i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
