If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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