Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
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