dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
