$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
