Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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