Too much gin, very little bucket
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
