Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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