The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
