I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
