yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize