i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
