He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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